girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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