Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
