Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
