Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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