I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
