Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
