There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
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i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
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If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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