The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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