don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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