I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
