Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
