help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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