My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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