as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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