new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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