it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
