Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
