phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
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OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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