i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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