I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
