I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
