Porn is love you can see.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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