Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
