Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
