we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
