I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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