Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
