my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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