how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
