Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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