You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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