you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Randomize
