I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
