every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
