hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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