i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There r osticjed everywhere
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
