I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
