mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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