I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
