I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
