Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
