My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
