Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
