i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
