Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He did a backflip because drugs
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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