I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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