I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
time to smoke my breakfast
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
