i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
