In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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