keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
