the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
