the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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