So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
