This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
