if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
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