Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
