conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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