I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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