I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
a search helicopter?!
The 19 Creepiest Missing Person Cases
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.