It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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