The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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