Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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