Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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