i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
