I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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