She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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