My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
