If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
