ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
