I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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