i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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