We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
