He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
