WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
