i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
